I know a bit about my parents' narrative of love - my mother was a young, single mother with a strong sense of self; my dad was a young Academy grad with a strong sense of self. They have both been pretty honest about their young relationship. They knew each other for years before they got engaged, and my mother thought that she'd finally found the dealbreaker: my dad said he loved her kid but he didn't want any others. Lucky for everyone, especially me and my red hair, he changed his mind!
A lovely thing: auntie L saved some of the letters that my mother wrote to her, when they were both young women. I guess my aunt L was asking a lot of love-related questions of her older-by-four-years sister. Mom shines in these letters; I remember this woman, albeit a wiser and calmer version. But I love my mother's outlook on love as a 20-something; first as a single woman, then as a single mother, then as a married-with-children. It's possible that I love it because it's mine, because she taught me everything she could.
Words on dating & love, from Ann - words that my friends and I repeat to each other, decades after our mothers said (and wrote) them:
- The thing I cherish most in life is liking myself, because if I don't even like me, how can I expect someone else going to respect me?
- Sharp guys never underestimate sharp girls.
- I'll bet my prettiest dress that he's fascinated by you but he feel he's got to get his destiny going.
- For the insomnia, say the rosary - nothing will put you to sleep faster and besides, they say it's good for the soul. I use it to keep the beasties away.
- I got stood up last night. I was livid for about five minutes (short attention span) and then I realized that it doesn't really matter to me that he may not like me because I happen to like me (pretty much) and respect me (a lot). ... No fun until the wound heals a little and I can fight like a wild cat again.
- What he gives, he gets back in kind, a hundred-fold. Not really, but it sounds good.
- He has had sufficient opportunity to take charge and he hasn't given it a gutsy go. LET GO! If you're meant to be together, then nothing can prevent it.
- Hang in there if he's what you want.
- I know the capability is there, but when will he use it?
- [something about being thankful God's in charge] If it were me planning things, I would have perished a long time ago.
- Women need strong character just as much as men do. More, how are we going to improve on what has come before if we don't get to the beasties?
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